I bet you were thinking I was going to be wearing green shooze when you opened me today, didn't you? Well, while I might have an eentsey-weentsey, tiny bit of Irish in me, St. Patrick's Day is not about the green leprechaun or the lucky four leaf clover for me at all. It’s about 16 years ago when I went on my first date with Jackis. That’s right, St. Patrick’s Day is the anniversary of when I had my, essentially, blind date with my husband-to-be. I’m not going to tell you the story of our first date though. No. I have better plans for you today. Giving you a big nugget today. Today, I’m going to tell you the story of why I call him Jackis. And why these boots, in particular, really remind me of that story. You see, they are white and shiny. Who else wears white blinders like these? That’s right if you said nurses. Even better if you said dental hygienists. And so, here goes the story…
Back then, his name was Jack. As would be the case with most newlyweds, we were inseparable. We did everything together. He even shopped with me back then. Even pretended to like it. Just to spend time with me. Awwwwwww, how cute! Since we couldn’t bear to be apart from each other for more than 10 minutes or so, we did everything together, including scheduling our doctors and dentist appointments together, back to back. On one fine May day, we had back-to-back dental cleaning appointments. We arrived at the appointment hand in hand, checked in, picked up magazines as we waited, all the while with a body part touching each other. Hip bones connected while we sat. Elbows grazed each other’s elbows as we flipped through magazines. We were connected. And when the hygienist came out with her clipboard and not even looking up called our our surname, we both looked up. This is when everything changed and when Jackis was born.
Dental hygienist: “von Maur?”
Us: “yes, here”
Dental hygienist: “I see, how cute. You came together. Well then, who’s first today?”
The Mamagirl: “Jack is”.
Dental hygienist: “OK, c’mon Jackis. Let’s go in”.
Jack (getting up and walking towards her) “OK, let’s go”.
And they disappeared into the abyss of dental doomdom, not to be seen for the next half hour. At which point, the door flew open and Jack/is was ejected. He came out, eyes on fire, mumbling under his breath. I wasn’t quite sure what happened, but I was nervous as I stood up and followed that nurse, scared for what I was in for. But it wasn’t so bad once inside. What was Jack/is so upset about when he came out from the appointment? I couldn’t figure it out until I came out and on the drive home, he explained it all.
Evidently, the dental hygienist really thought his name was Jack-is. She continued to call him Jack-is throughout the entire appointment. “Open wide, Jackis”...“Jackis, would you like mint or bubblegum toothpaste flavor?”... “Jackis, would you like a purple or blue toothbrush?”... “Jackis, tell me truth, do you floss every day?” ...“Jackis, I think you may have a cavity that needs to be filled”. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. I was surprised that she didn’t ask him “Jackis, are you pregnant?” when she laid the x-ray proof apron down on his belly. Apparently, he kept objecting, telling her that his name wasn’t Jackis. But he had a mouth full of gauze and she was heavy handed with that pick and his gums became swollen and bled. He couldn’t articulate and couldn’t be understood. He was more frustrated with her misnomer than the discomfort that one normally associates with a dental cleaning. But the damage was already done. Because he had told me the story and I laughed and thought it was the funniest thing I had heard in ages. And since my husband, my father in law, my grandfather in law, my nephew, my great uncle, my firstborn son, and various related cousins all share that great name, Jack, I decided that from this day going forth, he would be nicknamed Jackis.
And when I shared the derivation of this nickname to some, they too thought it was a great little story. And so, it became my mission that before my husband turns 50, that everyone who knows him has converted over to this affectionate pet name.
Happy Anniversary, Jackis!
Pleaser, white patent leather stripper boots
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